The Latency

sitting there at the Grill
seething
just after Boone’s
HR off Wakefield had
landed in the Stadium
seats

JJ came over
put a pint of
Bass down in front
of me and said

“don’t worry. 
next
year.

you
watch.”

and damn if he
wasn’t
right

I still don’t know
if he really knew what
he did for me
on those dark
sunken directionless
nights,
Double J
with his
smile and his
conversation
and his
grace

the only therapist
I could afford
at a time I
desperately needed
one

and then
last week there

was the news
that Wake was gone,
too,
at 57
far too young
that old line
but true

and it was one of those
reminders that
life can be a marvel
but nothing
is given

time does what
it wants

things evolve
degrade
emerge
grow
decay

and what we
think we know,
we don’t
not
really

so much of it’s
guesswork
and
flailing around
in the dark

but on the
good days the
light pokes
through

and
when those pockets of
light find you
you owe it
to yourself to recognize
how precious and
rare
they are
and to treat
them well

it’s been a
long time since I
posted up at the
Citta bar
and babbled at Double J
about nothing
over a glass of
Italian lager

hell, I hardly even
go to bars anymore

I think it’s because
I know it’s
never going to be
that good
again

sitting here clipping
my toenails and
listening to Borbetomagus
the other morning
I kept thinking what’s
the point:
this isn’t going
to end

sitting here listening
to John Prine talk
about how to find
Jesus

now
he’s dead
too
thanks to this whatever
the fuck it is
still
floating
through the
air

but he talked some
truth before
he left

everyone’s eyes
seem hollow
now

so
then
hello in
there

what’s new?

so now here it is
Friday night
and the cat’s agitated

things are mostly silent
for the moment
mostly

heard a couple explosions outside
a little while ago
but that’s to be
expected
now:

no place to go
why not make a great horrible
noise in the road

I’m okay but
it’s not okay that
I’m that way
and these days
they’re not okay
either
except that they are
kind of
and kind of not

it’s all in
the eyes

or something

and I get it
the things we’re being
asked to do now
are fairly
strange
or at least ring
unnaturally
to us

shit’s pretty common practice
in Asia
whose people are usually a
fair bit healthier
on the whole
than we are
but I
digress

we are FREE
we are FREEDOM
yes

so but anyway I’m not
getting into all that
there’s no victory down that road

you’ll all continue to do
whatever the hell you want to
do
and I’ll continue to bask in how
since I can stay home
as often as I want now

I don’t have to pretend
anymore
to like
any of you

christ

the light’s on downstairs

it must be an
irregularity

the
little eyeless pup
and I had
a grand old
time
just a bit ago

almost
every time I go to
the bathroom I
think

hey, here’s
my
dick
doing one of
the things it does

great
it still works

and after it’s
done working
I fold it
back into
my pants
and life goes
on

at some point
soon
I’ll probably need
it
to do
something or other
again
and that’s
fine
too

whatever it is
I’ll go do it

it’s still
my
cock
after all

reeling around town and
thinking good goddamn
this is just what I want
right now
even if we didn’t go find the steak
we were eyeing
the dude behind the stick

goddamn

he was sweaty and
exactly what
we were looking
for

sure

now there’s this
orange lunatic
in power
and we’re sitting around
shrieking
trying to figure
out
what to do
how to get by and
how to
get him out
before he does too much more
damage

meanwhile the damage has
already been done
he’s just the easy face to
paste on
how much worse it
continues
to get

the last one talked a
good game
but wasn’t much in the end
and the one
before him told so many
lies that he
couldn’t work out
which were sort of true
and which were complete bullshit

so he just let his
handlers work out the details
and kept on
waving the flag

the one before him
was the saddest of all
worked the midpoint and
said all the right things
and there was all this love for him
as
the money rolled in

turned out he was basically
salted
shit
on crostini
and probably a
rapist
by the way

and it didn’t matter
and it doesn’t matter
now he’s a statesman

and so is the one who
lied us
into a war that’s still
ongoing

and so is the one who bombed
Cambodia

survive long enough
and you, too,
can become revered

meanwhile

life
was
life
and
kept floating
on
and the money kept floating upward
and the noise kept
driving a wedge

so here we are
noise battling noise
anger up against anger
and what it really is
is
everyone
just trying to make the rent

every time I mow
the lawn
I think:
I probably just ran over
a
four-leaf
clover

where the fuck am I supposed
to start? it’s long
past midnight and
whatever’s going to happen
probably
already has

so whatever we’re doing
right now
has already been done over and over
again by
some prick asshole that we
have to
pretend to like

it’s not like we know
what’s
happening
anywhere
at all
ever
right now; we’ve
lost equilibrium

somewhere

and getting it back involves a hatchet and
a thicket and a suicide or two

so the hell
with it

make your noise
rattle your trees
while the things
are left

someone has to

just know that
your blood
is next

your friends
are next

and your complacency
and the strength you gather
from the protests you mount
is already gone